BECOMING ONE

by Patricia Usiobaifo

As I wait for my husband to join me in Australia and I prepare all the practical things for his arrival, God has impressed upon me some truths to consider…….

All too often, we meet people and as it becomes clear that they wish to share our life journey, or enter into covenant relationship, we can find ourselves saying things like “this is who I am, this is my life, these are my beliefs, my commitments, my responsibilities, my faults, my strengths etc., and basically what you see is what you get …..take it or leave it …..that’s just how it is.” But the truth is we cannot become one with another individual and still remain the same. Two individuals can share a space, co-habitat so to speak but they are not a couple, they are not one flesh. In order to become one flesh we must make “space “for another to “be” in our lives. We must allow God to unravel some of the fabric of our existence and weave the two fabrics together to produce something that is greater than the two original individual tapestries of life. We must allow God to lay and strengthen the foundation of our marriage/union/relationship. When people become a “couple” they are no longer independent of each other. Each individual’s actions and movement affects the other. If you are “coupled” you are joined ( just as a train carriage is coupled to an engine ) so your actions will either cause momentum and ease as you move together in the same direction or it will cause friction and stress/tension as you  strain and pull in opposite directions. Either way you cannot move/grow/fully function without it impacting on the person you are coupled with.

If we are entering into relationship we cannot expect people to “fit in” with our lives, rather we must provide a secure safe place in which both individuals can find their place as God reduces them to their most vulnerable state in order to meld them together into something new. We must be intentional in this, continually surrendering to God our fears, independence, pride, intolerances, defensiveness, insecurities, self-protection, selfishness, etc. We must also allow God to be who He says He is, and allow Him to relate to us in His fullness. Allow Him to be to us, our defender, protector, strength, refuge, comforter; strong tower etc. in order that our needs can be met without placing unrealistic expectations on each other.

Making “space” for another person in our lives can be complex and challenging. We give that person access to areas that we have consistently kept private from most people; access to our thoughts, emotions, dreams, desires, finances, bodies and territories. Courage to be truly vulnerable is needed and grace, patience and a forgiving heart essential as you find your new “rhythm” together.
God Himself is the ultimate Creator; marriage is God’s plan, a Godly concept and so it stands to reason that we cannot and should not consider our partners as additions to our lives but rather that we should create a “space” and time in which God can truly unite two individuals as one.