by Glenice Mills
Everything in life is about balance. As one called to women I need
to address an issue that runs deep in our society. Our focus at the moment at
Women’s Apostolic Alliance is domestic violence. It is an issue on the Lord’s
heart right now. However I am mindful that we need to bring correct balance so we
do not paint a picture of all men as violent and abusive. As we know this is a
serious issue both here in Australia and internationally and it has to be
addressed. Domestic violence by men toward women is rife and it is time for
this issue to be exposed. However we need to remember it also goes the other
way too – with women abusing men.
We as women must be mindful how we too can be tools in the enemy’s
hands to bring division between the sexes. There is a higher way that we must
also conduct ourselves, particularly as Christian women.
Scripture tells us in Ephesians 5:33 Amplified version
However, let each man of you (without exception) love his wife as
his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her
husband (that she notices him, regards him, honours him, prefers him,
venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves
and admires him exceedingly).
This Amplified version lays it out very clearly what needs to happen
in order to respect someone. We know this Scripture is in the context of the
marriage relationship however it goes much deeper than this. It is about our
relationships with one another. I particularly want to focus on the female/male
relationship, that is not just within marriage but also in other relationships.
There is something in the sinful make up of a woman that readily
speaks words that disrespect a man. For us to understand respect we need to
look at disrespect first. So what do we, as females do that is disrespectable
toward males?
DE-EMASCULATE A MAN WITH OUR WORDS:
We have all heard a woman use words to cut a man down. We can judge,
and criticize, with a tone of voice that is deriding and condescending. Our
words can cut into the core of a man’s soul, and wound like a knife cutting at
flesh.
THE COLD SHOULDER –MANIPULATING BY USING SILENCE:
When we give men the cold shoulder we disrespect them by using our
silence as a weapon against them. It is a subtle put down, bringing alienation
in the relationship. The issue never gets dealt with, and it leaves things
hanging ‘in the air’ without proper resolution. It is a subtle form of
manipulation that makes the man feel he has to earn his way back into the
relationship. He feels dishonored and a pawn in a game. This is disrespectful.
PLACING WRONG EXPECTATIONS ON MEN:
Unfortunately we as women have put a yoke on our men by placing
wrong expectations on them. We expect them to be great providers, parents,
spouse, lover, plus being able to do practical things for us to name a few.
When they are unable for what ever reason we use it against them, putting a
yoke on them that says ‘they are a failure’. The reality is no one can do
everything well. We all have different skills and gifts and to expect a man to
do something that he is not able to do is unfair. To deride him because he does
not fit an image of the ‘perfect’ man who can do all things is wrong. It is
disrespectful of him and who he is.
PUTTING MEN AS AN IDOL – AS A SAVIOUR:
We women have been raised on fantasy stories where the man is our
handsome prince coming to rescue us and provide a life for us where we live
happily ever after. As we all know the reality of this life is just not so.
However, ingrained in our thinking is this false picture that we use as a
template of how we think men should be. When they let us down, which they do,
then this false man who we have put as an idol, and built as a false image, has
to be smashed. We react in our hurt and out of the hurt will turn on the man by
disrespecting him. As we put them as an idol, to save and give us all we feel
we need, it is often on an emotional level. The truth is only the Lord can fill
this void – and we dare not place any person, male or female as an idol.
MEN PORTRAYED AS BUFFOONS – MOCKERY:
There is a slow eroding of honor as men are portrayed as some
bumbling idiot. We see this in television programmes where the man is someone
to be laughed at as he behaves like a buffoon. It is a perverse humour, it
mocks men and when we as women come in agreement with this we are in fact
disrespecting the core identity of who they are as men. We need to be very
careful we don’t subtly agree with what the media say we should align our
thinking and humour with.
WITHHOLDING:
Perhaps one of the biggest weapons a woman uses against a man is
withholding. We can do this in many ways – it is a subtle form of abuse and a
wrong use of power. We withhold emotionally by closing down and putting up a
wall between us that says ‘don’t come near me’. We can also withhold in many
other ways such as sexually, financially, in their relationship with their children
and by not speaking with true honesty.
These are just a few ways we as women can disrespect men. I am sure
there are many more however we need to be aware where we fall into the trap by
using any of these ways. There is a gradual erosion that is a downward spiral
bringing discord in relationships.
Following is the pattern that can happen when issues are not dealt
with:
MISUNDERSTANDING – ANIMOSITY – ANGER – HATRED – VIOLENCE
The dictionary meaning of respect is to show deferential esteem
towards a person or quality, to treat with consideration.
As Christians we need to recognize where we have actions and
behaviours that are not godly. As the Lord’s women we need to recognize where
our ways are not God’s ways and choose to repent and ask the Lord for His help
as we learn to come in the opposite spirit. God has created us as men and women
to need one another. We are not in competition with one another but rather to
complement. Let’s draw on one another’s strengths and weaknesses to help to
build our lives on a Godly foundation.
Let’s be aware of the way we conduct ourselves.
