by Patricia Usiobaifo
The human spirit is a powerful force; it compels us to rise above the most devastating of circumstances, to hope throughout the darkest of times and to survive against the greatest odds. There is an innate quality in many of us that causes us to rebel against every restriction we have placed on us; that seeks to prove people wrong when they tell you that we are not capable of something. This drive, this desire to prove others wrong, can be an asset and a strength, but it can also be a weakness and to our detriment. It is at its best a powerful motivator, however, it is also, at its worst simply rebellion.
I have often pondered how the enemy uses our strengths against us in the most basic and subtle ways.
For many of us, when we are told we cannot or should not have something, we immediately filter that through our thought processes as being denied something which is rightfully ours to have. We do not immediately reason as to why we shouldn’t have that particular thing, that it is potentially harmful to us, to our health, our relationships or will lead to future complications, or negatively impact those around us. We seem to magnify instead the fact that we have been told “we shouldn’t”, “we can’t”, that we must deny ourselves that thing, that experience. As we focus on denying our senses, our desires, we magnify that denial and in turn our desire for it.
Take for example food.
If we were given a bottle of liquid or a bowl of substance that was clearly labelled as poison, we would not readily consume it. We would rightly refuse it because our natural thought process would tell us that it would lead to death. We would consider it insanity to readily consume that poison. However, every day of our lives, a huge number of us consume substances and liquids which we know bring death and not life to our bodies, whether it is in the form of junk food, alcohol, illicit substances, highly processed foods etc. We are bombarded with medical and scientific evidence that warns us that these things are not good for our health and wellbeing. That in many cases, the continued consumption of these products, is a direct link to sickness and disease and yet we still continue to consume them.
Often our continued consumption is because we do not see why we should have to deny ourselves that pleasure, that experience, or we struggle with the temptation, justifying our actions by lying to ourselves that just a little will not do us any harm, and yet the truth is, that the only thing we are truly denying ourselves is LIFE.
Let’s begin at least to be honest with ourselves and see things, label things, for what they truly are; if it brings life it is of God and is designed and created to be enjoyed, if it does not impart life it can only impart death, and was never intended for us to partake of.
Saturday, 6 February 2016
Thursday, 4 February 2016
MAKE SPACE
by Patricia Usiobaifo
God has impressed upon me the need to create “space” (and time) in my life, for my husband who is soon to join me here in Australia.
We have been friends for over 6 years now, and married for almost seven months, however we have only spent 2 short weeks together(in the same nation) since becoming husband and wife.
Creating a physical space for him in my world will be by far the easier aspect of this entire “space” concept. Wardrobe space, drawer space, bathroom space, space for all his “stuff” may be slightly challenging for me to relinquish, but in all honesty it will be of no significance compared with creating a ‘Space “in my life for this precious man.
In order to even receive your partner you must first make space in your heart, to accommodate their love for you and indeed your love for them. God enlarges your heart, stretching it at times to what feels like breaking point, but through that stretching and enlarging your heart is also strengthened. Just as most things in God are a paradox: you find yourself feeling so incredibly vulnerable and yet it is in that overwhelming vulnerability that you find strength. Our hearts can be full of pride, offence, grief, disillusionment, disappointment, hurt etc. layer upon layer of self-protection and emotional debris that we are not even aware of. Residue of past relationships and hurts can remain as a subtle yet insidious film through which we perceive reality. We are wise to seek counselling and healing from our past, it is imperative; however, I have also come to understand that the true degree of our deliverance can rarely be tested and measured outside of intimate relationship.
God (in His kindness) magnifies every flaw in our thinking, attitudes and beliefs when we enter into covenant relationship. He highlights every area of un-wholeness in order that we can continually be adjusted and refined, dismantled and restored.
Like any solid building project this takes time, planning and precision; a joint vision, as well as patience, tolerance and sacrifice. It is a labour of love.
It is not enough to simply accommodate a partner or integrate them into your family, social circles, church or ministry etc. you must rather create a “space “where they can find their true place; a safe, secure space (and time) in which God can slowly and painstakingly lay the foundations for your marriage /union in Him; a foundation that will be sure and solid, designed specifically for the scaffolding and building which is to take place as you both map your future together in God.
God has impressed upon me the need to create “space” (and time) in my life, for my husband who is soon to join me here in Australia.
We have been friends for over 6 years now, and married for almost seven months, however we have only spent 2 short weeks together(in the same nation) since becoming husband and wife.
Creating a physical space for him in my world will be by far the easier aspect of this entire “space” concept. Wardrobe space, drawer space, bathroom space, space for all his “stuff” may be slightly challenging for me to relinquish, but in all honesty it will be of no significance compared with creating a ‘Space “in my life for this precious man.
In order to even receive your partner you must first make space in your heart, to accommodate their love for you and indeed your love for them. God enlarges your heart, stretching it at times to what feels like breaking point, but through that stretching and enlarging your heart is also strengthened. Just as most things in God are a paradox: you find yourself feeling so incredibly vulnerable and yet it is in that overwhelming vulnerability that you find strength. Our hearts can be full of pride, offence, grief, disillusionment, disappointment, hurt etc. layer upon layer of self-protection and emotional debris that we are not even aware of. Residue of past relationships and hurts can remain as a subtle yet insidious film through which we perceive reality. We are wise to seek counselling and healing from our past, it is imperative; however, I have also come to understand that the true degree of our deliverance can rarely be tested and measured outside of intimate relationship.
God (in His kindness) magnifies every flaw in our thinking, attitudes and beliefs when we enter into covenant relationship. He highlights every area of un-wholeness in order that we can continually be adjusted and refined, dismantled and restored.
Like any solid building project this takes time, planning and precision; a joint vision, as well as patience, tolerance and sacrifice. It is a labour of love.
It is not enough to simply accommodate a partner or integrate them into your family, social circles, church or ministry etc. you must rather create a “space “where they can find their true place; a safe, secure space (and time) in which God can slowly and painstakingly lay the foundations for your marriage /union in Him; a foundation that will be sure and solid, designed specifically for the scaffolding and building which is to take place as you both map your future together in God.
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
STAY TRUE
by Patricia Usiobaifo
I was speaking recently with one of the most important people in my life and during the course of our conversation they asked me to make them a promise. After listening to their request I had to tell them that I could not make the promise they so desperately desired. I understand their need and their situation, and there was nothing wrong with their request, however, I had made a promise before God which was in opposition to what they had asked. I knew my friend was so very disappointed and that they were feeling hurt, maybe even slightly rejected. My only recourse was to explain that I had made a promise to God and ask them to consider, if I have given my word whether to God or man and I then broke that word, how could I ever be trusted again? How could I be viewed as a person of integrity? How could they as a friend trust my given word knowing that I had compromised myself for their sake? Our conversation ended with my friend having nothing further to say, their disappointment and disapproval evident in their silence. Their friendship is incredibly important to me and I knew that my response to them had put that relationship at risk; however, I felt I had no choice, how could I break a promise made before God? Some 48 hours later, my friend called and apologised to me for their response. They said that as they meditated on what I had said, it had pierced their heart like an arrow and that they knew that honouring my word was a huge part of who I am, and again that they were truly sorry. I am so incredibly grateful to God for the outcome; however, I needed to be prepared to risk the friendship for my convictions. God in His mercy sent His Holy Spirit to whisper into their heart and for that I am so very grateful and I know our friendship is stronger than ever because of it. Had I give in to their needs in order to protect our friendship I would have lost respect for myself and also eventually their respect as well, and eventually our relationship would have unravelled . We will always be to some extent misunderstood, only God can possibly fully understand us and know the true motives of our heart, don’t be tempted to go against your own beliefs and convictions to please another, despite how much you love them, eventually it will lead to loss, if not of their love and friendship then of your own self-respect. Shalom.
I was speaking recently with one of the most important people in my life and during the course of our conversation they asked me to make them a promise. After listening to their request I had to tell them that I could not make the promise they so desperately desired. I understand their need and their situation, and there was nothing wrong with their request, however, I had made a promise before God which was in opposition to what they had asked. I knew my friend was so very disappointed and that they were feeling hurt, maybe even slightly rejected. My only recourse was to explain that I had made a promise to God and ask them to consider, if I have given my word whether to God or man and I then broke that word, how could I ever be trusted again? How could I be viewed as a person of integrity? How could they as a friend trust my given word knowing that I had compromised myself for their sake? Our conversation ended with my friend having nothing further to say, their disappointment and disapproval evident in their silence. Their friendship is incredibly important to me and I knew that my response to them had put that relationship at risk; however, I felt I had no choice, how could I break a promise made before God? Some 48 hours later, my friend called and apologised to me for their response. They said that as they meditated on what I had said, it had pierced their heart like an arrow and that they knew that honouring my word was a huge part of who I am, and again that they were truly sorry. I am so incredibly grateful to God for the outcome; however, I needed to be prepared to risk the friendship for my convictions. God in His mercy sent His Holy Spirit to whisper into their heart and for that I am so very grateful and I know our friendship is stronger than ever because of it. Had I give in to their needs in order to protect our friendship I would have lost respect for myself and also eventually their respect as well, and eventually our relationship would have unravelled . We will always be to some extent misunderstood, only God can possibly fully understand us and know the true motives of our heart, don’t be tempted to go against your own beliefs and convictions to please another, despite how much you love them, eventually it will lead to loss, if not of their love and friendship then of your own self-respect. Shalom.
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
BECOMING ONE
by Patricia Usiobaifo
As I wait for my husband to join me in Australia and I prepare all the practical things for his arrival, God has impressed upon me some truths to consider…….
All too often, we meet people and as it becomes clear that they wish to share our life journey, or enter into covenant relationship, we can find ourselves saying things like “this is who I am, this is my life, these are my beliefs, my commitments, my responsibilities, my faults, my strengths etc., and basically what you see is what you get …..take it or leave it …..that’s just how it is.” But the truth is we cannot become one with another individual and still remain the same. Two individuals can share a space, co-habitat so to speak but they are not a couple, they are not one flesh. In order to become one flesh we must make “space “for another to “be” in our lives. We must allow God to unravel some of the fabric of our existence and weave the two fabrics together to produce something that is greater than the two original individual tapestries of life. We must allow God to lay and strengthen the foundation of our marriage/union/relationship. When people become a “couple” they are no longer independent of each other. Each individual’s actions and movement affects the other. If you are “coupled” you are joined ( just as a train carriage is coupled to an engine ) so your actions will either cause momentum and ease as you move together in the same direction or it will cause friction and stress/tension as you strain and pull in opposite directions. Either way you cannot move/grow/fully function without it impacting on the person you are coupled with.
If we are entering into relationship we cannot expect people to “fit in” with our lives, rather we must provide a secure safe place in which both individuals can find their place as God reduces them to their most vulnerable state in order to meld them together into something new. We must be intentional in this, continually surrendering to God our fears, independence, pride, intolerances, defensiveness, insecurities, self-protection, selfishness, etc. We must also allow God to be who He says He is, and allow Him to relate to us in His fullness. Allow Him to be to us, our defender, protector, strength, refuge, comforter; strong tower etc. in order that our needs can be met without placing unrealistic expectations on each other.
Making “space” for another person in our lives can be complex and challenging. We give that person access to areas that we have consistently kept private from most people; access to our thoughts, emotions, dreams, desires, finances, bodies and territories. Courage to be truly vulnerable is needed and grace, patience and a forgiving heart essential as you find your new “rhythm” together.
God Himself is the ultimate Creator; marriage is God’s plan, a Godly concept and so it stands to reason that we cannot and should not consider our partners as additions to our lives but rather that we should create a “space” and time in which God can truly unite two individuals as one.
As I wait for my husband to join me in Australia and I prepare all the practical things for his arrival, God has impressed upon me some truths to consider…….
All too often, we meet people and as it becomes clear that they wish to share our life journey, or enter into covenant relationship, we can find ourselves saying things like “this is who I am, this is my life, these are my beliefs, my commitments, my responsibilities, my faults, my strengths etc., and basically what you see is what you get …..take it or leave it …..that’s just how it is.” But the truth is we cannot become one with another individual and still remain the same. Two individuals can share a space, co-habitat so to speak but they are not a couple, they are not one flesh. In order to become one flesh we must make “space “for another to “be” in our lives. We must allow God to unravel some of the fabric of our existence and weave the two fabrics together to produce something that is greater than the two original individual tapestries of life. We must allow God to lay and strengthen the foundation of our marriage/union/relationship. When people become a “couple” they are no longer independent of each other. Each individual’s actions and movement affects the other. If you are “coupled” you are joined ( just as a train carriage is coupled to an engine ) so your actions will either cause momentum and ease as you move together in the same direction or it will cause friction and stress/tension as you strain and pull in opposite directions. Either way you cannot move/grow/fully function without it impacting on the person you are coupled with.
If we are entering into relationship we cannot expect people to “fit in” with our lives, rather we must provide a secure safe place in which both individuals can find their place as God reduces them to their most vulnerable state in order to meld them together into something new. We must be intentional in this, continually surrendering to God our fears, independence, pride, intolerances, defensiveness, insecurities, self-protection, selfishness, etc. We must also allow God to be who He says He is, and allow Him to relate to us in His fullness. Allow Him to be to us, our defender, protector, strength, refuge, comforter; strong tower etc. in order that our needs can be met without placing unrealistic expectations on each other.
Making “space” for another person in our lives can be complex and challenging. We give that person access to areas that we have consistently kept private from most people; access to our thoughts, emotions, dreams, desires, finances, bodies and territories. Courage to be truly vulnerable is needed and grace, patience and a forgiving heart essential as you find your new “rhythm” together.
God Himself is the ultimate Creator; marriage is God’s plan, a Godly concept and so it stands to reason that we cannot and should not consider our partners as additions to our lives but rather that we should create a “space” and time in which God can truly unite two individuals as one.
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